I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
