I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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