she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
