You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
