Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
