I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
