champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
