I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
