i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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