His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
