Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
