no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
