**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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