stop calling my apartment porn island.
this just has baby written all over it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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