all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
