She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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