please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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