I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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