im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
