I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
