I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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