Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
