i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
