It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
