need another drink. this is the easiest way
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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