When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
is that a dick in a sweater?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
