I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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