there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
