My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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