dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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