You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
