she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
