And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The uberlube is also flammable
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
