Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
