Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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