I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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