I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
