lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am one with the molecules
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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