I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
