That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
