The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
