I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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