i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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