I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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