I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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