lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
