maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
