My cat gives me a boner
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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