She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
