I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
