Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am mentally ready for anal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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