Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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