The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
