I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
