hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
