I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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