Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
