I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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