Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
