Sorry, I don't speak sober.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
