Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
