so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
nutella sex= disaster
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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