why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
