just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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